Quotes & Quips

Season 1

**quotes shown may include spoilers for that episode**

Details at Eleven

"You make me mad!" - Connie

"I don't blame you. I make me  mad, too." - Rick

(Regarding Rick and  AJ) "Sweetheart, they take  you seriously because there's just one thing they want from you." - Myron

Janet, fondly - "Yes, I know. Aren't they cute?"

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm really your brother." - AJ

"Well, according to Mom, you're not." - Rick


"You know anything about computers?" - AJ

"I know they don't like me every time I try to cash a check." - Rick

"You might try putting some  money in your account." - AJ

"You're supposed to??" - Rick

"Where'd you get the badge?" - Rick

"Dime store." - AJ

"Is there any more gravy,  Mom?" - Rick

"Do you still remember the way to the kitchen?" - Cecilia

"Don't bother getting up, Mom. We'll do the dishes tonight." - AJ

"We will??" - Rick

"Take your hat off when you  kiss a lady." - Cecilia, to Rick

Recipe for Disaster

"AHHHH!" - a frustrated AJ, to  Rick

(Rick, Janet, Myron  and Marlowe in Peerless Investigations)

"What's that mutt  doing in here?" - Myron

Janet, petting Marlowe - "Oh, I'm keeping him while they go to Mexico."

"I wasn't talking  about the dog." - Myron

"Rick?" - Myron

"Yeah?" - Rick

"Drink the water." - Myron

Cecilia, to AJ - "And stay away from  -"

"I know, I know, water and tequila." - AJ

"- and things that go bump in the night." - Cecilia, with a piercing  look

"MoOOom!" - AJ, scandalized

(Referring to  Rick) "He's not my uncle!" - Irene

"Thank god!!" - Rick

(As Irene sings  with gusto) "Convincing argument for Planned Parenthood, isn't it?" -  Rick

"Maybe she'd be  more comfortable in the trunk..." - Rick

The  Dead Letter File

"You know, you are amazing,  Janet. Why don't you come work for us?" - AJ

"Because I like getting paid when I work." - Janet

The  Hottest Ticket in Town

"What's wrong?" - Rick

"Last time I saw that look in  your eye, I got twenty stitches and you were in jail for a week." - AJ

"Well, this time it's gonna be different." - Rick

"You'll get the stitches, I'll be in jail." - AJ

Uncivil  Servant

"Are you sure it was an  honorable discharge?" - AJ

"Barely." - Rick

Double Entry

"Got anything good there?" - Rick, to brunette selling  sandwiches

"Everything I got is good." - brunette

"Yeah, but whaddya have in the basket?" - Rick

"Surfer's unite!" - Son of the Beach to the Simons

"Surf's up!...I.Q.s are down." - Rick

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