Quips &  Quotes:

Season 4

C’est Simon, part one

“Any friend of Dad’s bears watching.” – Rick

“Henri’s gotta be in some kind of trouble.” - A.J.

“Damn right, he’s in trouble!  The guy dumped our mom, A.J.!”– Rick

(In Paris)

“They know we’re Americans.” – A.J.

“How do they know that??” – Rick

A.J. just stares at his  southern-accented, cowboy-hat wearing, duffel-bag-carrying  brother.

A Little Wine with Murder?

(Referring to the last time  they were in the morgue)

“We brought the guy back in  one piece….okay, two pieces.  Big deal.”- Rick

(In a restaurant)

Stocky female customer A.J. is waiting on - “I’ll have some spinach noodle appetizer, some cream of mushroom soup, the stuffed breast of chicken with the raspberry sauce… (A.J.  starts to put pad away) …broccoli with hollandaise sauce, double baked potato, (he tries to put pad away again) and the chocolate soufflé….and waiter, do you have some Sweet and Lite for my coffee?”

(Seated at a table – Donna Kendall, A.J., Rick, and Town)

Donna, seductively to  A.J. – “I really am  grateful.”

Rick, dryly to Town – “You get the feeling you and I just left the table?”

The Dark Side of the Street

A.J., to customer on phone, as he gets drenched by Rick – “Would you hold on a minute, please, while I kill my brother?”

A.J., as an aside to Taylor  Martin – “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him about the panty raid on the Sigma Tau house.”

Taylor’s future father-in-law  – “I thought that was a fraternity.”

A.J., quickly – “It was a very embarrassing moment for  us, sir.”

Head of department store security – “Everyday, a  war is waged in these aisles.”

Rick, wryly – “Any survivors?”

What Goes Around Comes Around

“Who wants to play the ‘Friday night jerk’?” – Rick

“Who’s best at it?” – A.J., pointedly.

Who Killed the 60s?

“I know you.” – Rick, as he tries to remember Anita

“It’s been a long time.” – Anita, giving a hint

“I’ll never forget the night we had together...” – Rick

“We never had a night together.” – Anita

“…and I’ve never forgiven  you.” - Rick

Break a Leg, Darling

(Seeing Rick onstage during  the play) "Is that your son, Cecilia?" - Friend

"It looks like him." - Cecilia

"I didn't know he was an actor."

"Neither did I." - Cecilia

"Neither does he." - Town

Almost Completely Out of Circulation

"What's  paranoid?" - young Patrick

"Caution in the  80s." - Rick

"Patrick, you can't  hire us." - AJ

"Why not?" - Patrick

"Yeah, why not?" - Rick

"Because he's not  an adult." - AJ

"That again. I hear  that all the time from my mom." -  Patrick

"Yeah, me  too." - Rick

Our Fair City

"You know what the smart thing to do would be, of course." - AJ

""Sure.  Leave." - Rick

"We're not going to  do the smart thing, are we?" - AJ

"Why start now?" - Rick

"Did you think it would  work?" - Rick

"No! Did you?" - AJ

"No." - Rick

"Do you want to know what I  thought?" - Town

"NO!" -  Rick and AJ

"Good." -  Town

Enter  the Jaguar

"Has either of you been bird watching?" - Professor Wilbur

"No, but we can  wing it." - Rick

Mickey Mouse Mob

"Mr. Simon?" - Client

"Yes, I am AJ Simon. This is my nemesis, Rick." - AJ

Marlowe, Come Home

"This dog is the most worthless beast in the animal kingdom!" - Mr.  Gorman

"Next to my  brother." - AJ

(To  Rick) "I know I gripe about hair on the furniture, the fleas, the mud that he tracks in, but I  could say worse about you. In fact, I usually do." -  AJ

"Mister, you're  tippytoeing around crimes like extortion, grand theft auto, grand theft dog..." - Rick

Next Season | Back to main Quotes page


©"Simon &  Simon" and all of its characters's copyrights are held by Universal City  Studios, as are all pictures and quotes on this site unless otherwise  noted. This site is completely nonprofit - I don't get a dime. On the  contrary, it is my hope that the copyright holders will make more items available for sale so others and I can spend more money! J