Quips & Quotes:

Season 5

Love &/or  Marriage

"Yesterday a wedding, today a divorce. You and I have seen lying, cheating, deceit..." - AJ

"...and that's just  at the wedding." - Rick

"Look at it this way, AJ. You  still have me." - Rick

"Oh my god." - AJ

Burden of the Beast

"It's just so hard to get Joey to pick up after himself." - Lisa

"Yes, I have the same problem  with my chimp." - AJ, looking at Rick

"Keep it up, Town. We'll file  a complaint for attempting to commit bad comedy." - AJ

Quint  is Out

"Jeremiah Quint is at large." - AJ

"Jeremiah Quint is at very large." - Rick

Walk a Mile in My Hat

(To clients who  think Rick is AJ) "Oh,  yes, AJ's a fine boy. It's his brother, Rick, I'm worried about." - Cecilia


(describing AJ to  Rick) "Blond guy, about  yay high, wears shirts with little critters on them..." - Town

"I'm not letting you go up there by yourself. Of course, you could hire another detective to go with you, but I don't want to do that." - AJ

"Why not?" - Rick

"Because you deserve the best." - AJ

"Then let's get the  other guy." - Rick

Family Forecast

"Don't judge a book by its cover." - AJ

"Actually, I've had pretty good luck judging books by their cover." -  Rick

"Well, given the kind of books you read, I'm not surprised." - AJ

"No record, no trace. These  people don't vote, they don't pay taxes..." - AJ

"Like I said, typical American family." - Rick

"How are we supposed to do surveillance with people like that out there? We can't watch people with  people watching us watch people!" - Rick

"We're not going to lose, are  we?" - AJ

"No. Remember, the eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked up into a jet engine." - Rick

For the  People

"I don't want to get any dings." - Rick, about the Power Wagon.

"Dings? What's the matter? Would they clash with the bulletholes?" - Town

"What time is it?" - AJ

"Tuesday." - Rick

Full Moon Blues

"This guy killed my  roommate!" - Rick

"Well, let's not get sentimental about it. You never even met the (roommate)." - AJ

"Yeah, but I wanted that pleasure myself." - Rick

Eye of the Beholder

"Are you aware that the  instructions are all in Spanish?" -  AJ

"Well, that's not a problem, I speak Spanish." - Rick

"Yeah, Rick, but this is technical stuff. I think it's a little tougher than saying 'What time does happy hour start?'" - AJ


(seeing Cecilia has brought a  friend to his house unexpectedly) "I'll go put something on." -  AJ

"Don't bother, AJ, I used to diaper you." - Mrs. Kay

"He hasn't changed much." - Rick

"To my sons - the dirtiest,  sleaziest, low-life detectives in San Diego." Cecilia, with pride

"We'll drink to that." - Rick

"I still don't believe Uncle Bud's a psycho." - Rick

"He hired us, didn't he?" - AJ

"Good point." - Rick

Act  5

"I will never understand how any intelligent man could be fooled by a woman like her." - AJ

"Happened to me once." - Rick

"I said intelligent man." - AJ

The  Last Harangue

"I can't find those salt-free  potato chips you used to have." - customer to  undercover Rick

"Yes." - Rick, with Indian accent

"Well, where the hell are  they?" - customer

"I am very well, thank you,  and where the hell are you?" - Rick

"Somebody's going to have to run the business. I can't do that with both of us slapping babies and kissing backs." - Rick

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