Quotes & Quips
Season 8
**quotes shown may include spoilers for that episode**
Beauty and Deceased
"Who would you say is the individual who has influenced your life the most?" - pageant judge
"(edited for length)...There's also my brother Rick. He's touched my life in more ways than you can possibly imagine." - AJ
"Is he dead?" - judge
"Not yet." - AJ
(After a disco ball nearly kills AJ during the talent competition)
"I didn't think it was that bad." - Rick
"Oh, shut up." - AJ
"Stick a sock in it!" - AJ
"No, that's the swimsuit competition." - Rick
Simon & Simon & Associates
(As the Simons are driving an 'appropriated' police car to chase a car thief)
"Hey, Blondie, what's your name?" - gal in the back seat
"AJ" - AJ, with a big smile
"The middle of a high speed chase, he does it. In the middle of a high speed chase, pursuing a felon, and the blond Kid scores!" - Rick, with disgust
(Interviewing a possible receptionist)
"Your shorthand and typing skills are really very impressive. Don't you think so, Rick? A hundred and ten words a minute." - AJ
"I don't think that fast." - Rick
"I know." - AJ, straightfaced
Zen and the Art of the Split Finger Baseball
"I can hold my own. I'm as good as I ever was." - Rick
"That's what I'm afraid of." - Cecilia
The Merry Adventures of Robert Hood
"Methinks my brother beareth overmuch affection for the lady he just met, however fair she be." - Rick
"Forsooth, methinks this is the wrong turn, bozo." - AJ
"That's Sir Bozo to you." - Rick
The Love Song of Abigail Marsh
"Are you guys available for a job?" - Ray McGuinniss
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?" - Rick
"I just found out that I got a brother and I never even met the guy!" - Ray
"You're lucky." - Rick
(About AJ) "Who are you, his keeper?"
"Most of the time." - Rick
Cloak of Danger
"It's not a documentary. It's a piece of imaginative literature." - AJ
Rick - "It's a piece of - "
"Rick!" - Cecilia
"Get your brother to help you." - Cecilia
"What could he do?" - AJ
"He could do what he's been doing all his adult life." - Cec
"Screwing things up?" - AJ
"Parents could punish their children with that play." - Rick
"Why hold back? Why don't you just tell me what you really think?" - AJ, sarcastic
"I think you've come up with a permanent cure for insomnia." - Rick
"What the hell is that?" - AJ, pointing to the exploded remains of a bomb
"Your play." - Rick, referring to its quality
"Thank you...and the horse you rode in on." - AJ
"Good luck." - AJ, to Rick before the play begins
"You're not supposed to say 'good luck'." - Rick, disgusted
"Break something." - the ever-helpful AJ
"Ow! Ow, ow, ow!" - Rick, heading off stage where he crashes into unseen obstructions
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