Quotes & Quips

Season 8

**quotes shown may include spoilers for that episode**

Beauty and Deceased

"Who would you say is the  individual who has influenced your life the most?" -  pageant judge

"(edited  for length)...There's also my brother Rick. He's touched my life in more ways than you can possibly imagine." -  AJ

"Is he dead?" - judge

"Not yet." - AJ

(After a disco ball nearly kills AJ during the talent competition)

"I didn't think it was that  bad." - Rick

"Oh, shut up." - AJ

"Stick a sock in it!" - AJ

"No, that's the swimsuit competition." - Rick

Simon  & Simon & Associates

(As the Simons are driving an  'appropriated' police car to chase a car thief)

"Hey, Blondie, what's your name?" - gal in the back seat

"AJ" - AJ, with a big smile

"The middle of a high speed  chase, he does it. In the middle of a high speed chase, pursuing a felon,  and the blond Kid scores!" - Rick, with  disgust

(Interviewing a possible receptionist)

"Your shorthand and typing skills are really very impressive. Don't you think so, Rick? A hundred and  ten words a minute." - AJ

"I don't think that  fast." - Rick

"I know." - AJ, straightfaced

Zen and  the Art of the Split Finger Baseball

"I can hold my own. I'm as good as I ever was." - Rick

"That's what I'm afraid  of." - Cecilia

The  Merry Adventures of Robert Hood

"Methinks my brother beareth overmuch affection for the lady he just met, however fair she be." - Rick

"Forsooth, methinks this is  the wrong turn, bozo." - AJ

"That's Sir Bozo to you." - Rick

The  Love Song of Abigail Marsh

"Are you guys  available for a job?" - Ray McGuinniss

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?" - Rick

"I just found out  that I got a brother and I never even met the guy!" -  Ray

"You're lucky." - Rick

(About AJ) "Who are you, his keeper?"

"Most of the time." - Rick

Cloak of Danger

"It's not a  documentary. It's a piece of imaginative literature." - AJ

Rick - "It's a piece of - "

"Rick!" - Cecilia

"Get your brother  to help you." - Cecilia

"What could he do?" - AJ

"He could do what  he's been doing all his adult life." - Cec

"Screwing things up?" - AJ

"Parents could punish their children with that play." - Rick

"Why hold back? Why  don't you just tell me what you really think?" - AJ, sarcastic

"I think you've  come up with a permanent cure for insomnia." -  Rick

"What the hell is  that?" - AJ, pointing to the exploded remains of a bomb

"Your play." - Rick, referring to its quality

"Thank you...and the horse you rode in on." - AJ

"Good luck." - AJ, to Rick before the play begins

"You're not  supposed to say 'good luck'." - Rick, disgusted

"Break something." - the ever-helpful AJ

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow!" - Rick, heading off stage where he crashes into unseen obstructions

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